Re: Booking Patients in.

It has come to light that some crews take longer than others to complete paperwork at the end of a call. There is no NHS directive which states that ambulance crews must perform the role of secretary.

Therefore with immediate effect, this is to stop. Simply hand in a poorly carbonised copy of the LA4000 to the desk, swipe your forehead barcode and proceed to the next call.

The additional workload for reception staff, interrogating the unconscious patient and their incoherent mates will ensure that the front desk grinds to a halt and the queue outside obstructs the ambulance bay.  Consequently no one will ever make his or her own way to hospital as arrival with Robomedic is a bit drier in the rain. And free.

Crews wishing to scrounge a free coffee will have to just lump it or wait until the Christmas party to make any headway with the gorgeous one who never seems to do nights. Alternatively, loiter outside the cyber café while your crewmate visits www.nescafe.co.uk and you complete your paperwork, only this time, just around the corner. Two sugars with mine please.